hiya wa howa aswat

Now we all know that commentating a big league World Tour event is not easy. Talking all day, even in shifts of a few hours at a time, is a big ask. Keeping the commentary interesting, funny, and informative without being condescending is a rare skill that few possess. Here at Carve we like Sean Doherty, he’s got the skills to pay the bills, ticks all the above boxes. But with the ASP administration veering towards the US market the voices are becoming dominantly American. Joe Turpel’s squeak and Sal Masakela’s velvety ESPN trained tones dominate.
As you’ll know commentary strays into cliché on regular basis so with this in mind we’ve thought up a drinking game to go with the any event.
So anytime you hear these phrases or these things happen the following penalties apply.
You’ll need beer in glass bottles if you’re being lightweight/drinking with ladies or pint glasses for real men and a bottle of Jäger and some Red Bull for big time penalties.
This article first appeared in CARVE 144. Good stuff in mag first innit :)
Happening : Penalty
• Sal says: ‘crispy’ or ‘spicy’ surfing- one finger of beer
• Anyone says: ‘doggy door’ or ‘are you kidding me?’- one finger
• Turpel says: anything that makes you roll your eyes- one finger of beer
• Blakey says: ‘that was all time’ or ‘oh my gosh’- two fingers
• Anyone gets a 10 point ride- two fingers
• Onshore slop described as ‘challenging conditions’- two fingers
• Any surfer flips off the judges- two fingers
• Anyone says: ‘building house’- three fingers
• Luke Egan commentates and someone falls asleep: drink a Jägerbomb
• Anyone says ‘best contest ever’- drink a shot
• Anyone covers an obvious, glaring, judging stuff up- drink a shot
• If Kelly commentates- drink a shot
• Perfect 20 heat score- drink a double
• Boat goes over the falls in the channel- drink a double Jägerbomb
Reader submitted rules…

• Occy says: ’Hello to everyone watching on Fuel TV’- drink a shot  (Via Chris Nelson)
• Anyone says: ‘Chandelier’- drink a shot (Via Chris Nelson)
• Sean Doherty says: ‘fersure mate!’- one finger of beer (Via Owain Jones)
• Anyone says: ‘Aussie battler, tour veteran or journeyman’- drink a shot (Via George Noble)